Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Randomize