i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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