Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
