It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Randomize
