Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
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