Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
The best revenge is premature balding
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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