I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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