me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
