so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
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