Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Randomize
