It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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