i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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