you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Randomize
