AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
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