are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize