Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
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