Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Randomize
