1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I licked your asshole in confidence.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Randomize
