I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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