Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
