I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Randomize
