believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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