did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Randomize
