I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
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