I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Randomize
