Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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