While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Randomize
