***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Randomize
