id be glad to
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Randomize
