Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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