dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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