that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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