the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Randomize