if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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