the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
