did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
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