So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
