I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
