I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Holy sore nipples Batman
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
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