p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Randomize
