More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
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