he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
