i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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