I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Houston, we have a squirter
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
