Girls should come with a carfax report
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
