I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
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