physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
