my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
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