I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Terrible idea I love it
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
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