I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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