Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
