This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Randomize
