i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
