I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize