my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
