you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Randomize
