the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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