I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
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