my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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