everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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