2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize