You don't have asthma, your pregnant
This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Randomize
