Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Randomize
