apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Randomize
