I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Randomize
