Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
dude i'm inner monologue high
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize