saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
