i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
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