My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
