I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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