i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
So I just went to clothing optional bar
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
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