I got chris browned last night
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
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