last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
Randomize
