How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
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