Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Randomize
