So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Randomize
